Thoughts On 15 Years

Joy and I have our 15th wedding anniversary today. I'm not sure if this is the proper forum to put down some words on what it's all supposed to mean to me, but what the hell. This is some kind of milestone when you look at the divorce rate in this country. With my parents celebrating 45 years recently, it doesn't seem like that long at all. So I guess I always pictured when and if I got married, it would be for the long haul by way of their example.

It didn't hurt to cross paths with a lady in college who had an adventurous spirit, but was still grounded in the old-fashioned values that I consciously or unconsciously found appealing. And when I finished school and tried to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up, she wrote and called from hundreds of miles away, keeping the thought of her in my mind. The proposal came in the form a letter and I remember writing "what about us?" We gathered a group of family and friends on my parents' front lawn and made a memorable day of things.

What can I say about our relationship that won't get me in trouble? The chemistry hasn't changed much. We're extremely different people in many areas. I wouldn't call it an outwardly romantic thing. We are friends that spend a lot of time together, can't imagine being without one another for very long periods. We've always given each other space, but we're together on the things that matter the most. I don't know why we get along so well and I don't want to over analyze it. We're lucky it works. Profound patience on both our parts, maybe, and general acceptance of each other's foibles and strengths. She became a part of me and life would be empty without her.

Raja

Come See The Paradise

Out on DVD is a little overlooked film that holds an important place in my heart. Alan Parker's 1990 film Come See The Paradise has been available on VHS for quite some time but never on DVD until now. It chronicles a love story between Japanese-American, Lily, and Irish-American, Jack, before, during and after our war with Japan. The forced relocation of Japanese Americans into camps serves as the backdrop. The film came out just as we were getting involved in the first Gulf War and I remember thinking at the time that no one is going to want to revisit this blemish in our history when we're just getting into another struggle. So the film came and went quickly without a lot of notice. I had just come out of film school and was lucky enough to get on with the production as a camera assistant in 1989. They shot around Portland, Astoria, Seattle and Palmdale. In L.A. I stayed with another camera assistant when the film wrapped and attempted to get my bearings, but saw that it wasn't going to be the life for me, so packed up, headed home and got into the big time of floorcovering. I always say that I got the taste of the best too early. Parker was one of my favorite directors. Dennis Quaid was a fairly big name. I couldn't envison a future in L.A. I think I chose the right path, but my decision still haunts me to this day. Anyway that's 17 years ago and this DVD is fun to watch. As DVDs usually do, there are extras including stills from the production of the movie. I was shocked to see that I appear in a couple shots that are very eerie to me. I don't even know who that guy is anymore. Click the images for a bigger view.

Girlie Fun

We entertained our niece Sadie while her parents celebrated their 17th wedding anniversary this evening. Joy made Sadie's belated sixth birthday (July 9th) something memorable with cakes as only Sadie's favorite Aunt could make them.

Marathon

After an eleven-hour marathon drive back from Montana Wednesday, Thursday and Friday were spent settling back in and doing the paperwork catch-up at Gilford's. Before, during and after the trip I had been dealing with a deaf woman interested in purchasing a large quantity of tile from me through the internet. The long, back and forth account of our email exchanges is available in a Microsoft Word file here. You might find it to be an interesting study in how gullible a guy can be.

Knee-High Fourth of July Good Bye

Pace

Things are a little more laid back here, by design. You will relax or else. This is where doctors send all their type-A, heart-attacks waiting to happen. Without a lot of tall buildings to look at your attention goes to the sky, a beautiful one yesterday filled with thunderheads in the humid haziness. After a breakfast at the No Sweat Cafe, we ventured through some antique stores where Joy found a copper vase thing to hold flowers over our great room mantle. Then it was out to her brother Gary's place to see what he was up to. Back to Bill's where they had brought Joy's Mom. Joy went through a pile of her stuff that had been transferred from Palm Springs and came away with a few mementos to fill the storage at our house. Lots of sitting around, reading, snoozing and wondering if it's OK to have nothing to do.

Downtown

We started yesterday out with a walk around our hotel in the older downtown part of Helena. Had some breakfast at an internet cafe, drove around to do some shopping for some stuff Joy needed, had some locally famous chili for lunch at Parrot's (an authentic soda fountain shop), went to Bill's for a steak dinner and Shirley's in the evening to meet my nephews who had just rolled into town. Shirley's sons are in their late 30's - early 40's, one is actually older than me and calls me uncle Doug. Joy spent time with her Mom, which I had hoped she'd get to do more of. We took her to her place after the dinner. She believes she will one day return to her home in Palm Springs and is in a bit of denial over the situation. She can't be alone anymore. It's tough for Joy and her sibs, I know. I have such a different example in my Mom's mother, Marcella, who basically picked the times to act along the way with her different transitions later in her life. She could see it was time for the help assisted living could provide and basically said, "Pack me up. It's time to go." To be fair, their personalities and living arrangements were different. Marcella lived closed to my mother and remained in close proximity and she was an open communicator. Francis had lived for decades alone away from her kids and (it appears to me) was much more private with her personal life, making this transition particularly difficult.

Joy's Bunch

Joy visited with her Mom, brothers and sister yesterday at her brother Bill's place in East Helena. He's the one with the bandaid across his nose, having just has a skin cancer removed. It was his 69th birthday yesterday. Joy made a giant chocolate cherry cake which topped off the hamburgers on the grill we all enjoyed at his party. Also pictured along with Joy are brother Gary, sister Shirley and their Mom, Francis. I forget the dog's name. We saw where Francis is staying yesterday and think it's fine. It looks like a converted large one-level house. Residents have nice rooms, home cooking, comfortable chairs. When we arrived hymns were being sung by a visiting couple of guys from a local church and Francis was singing along.
Derek called a few times to get through the subtleties of price books and distributors. He didn't sound 650 miles away. Cell phones and all these electronics make the world so small.